I’m Thinking Of Ending Things by Iain Reid
⚠️ Spoilers Ahead ⚠️
I want to write this whilst it’s still fresh in my mind. Forgive me if it’s rambling. This book has really got me excited, and my head is spinning with thoughts.
In my opinion, the book is about an older man that has found himself in a situation he feels he is trapped in and can’t escape. One of utter loneliness and isolation. Unless he ends things. He is a very socially awkward, shy man that doesn’t know how to communicate with people. I feel he is probably autistic, and he has traits of OCD. He has stuck thoughts, obsessive thoughts and his thoughts loop back around, like those with an OCD brain.
Working in a school only highlights to him his lost chances in life. We flash back to the beginning of his imaginary relationship and his academic abilities. He had the world at his feet, but now he is old, he knows those chances are over. Seeing young people every day with their whole futures ahead could have only added to his feeling of sadness. We know he is clever by the conversations written between the narration. His colleagues talk about his lab work and PHD.
His parents dying would have left him all alone in the world, only adding to the desperation. He is questioning death all through the book. Hoping that death is the end and wondering if the suffering will continue after. Is this the last question he wanted to know the answer to?
I feel his loneliness and isolation led to some form of maladaptive daydreaming. He created a world where he felt happier and not so despairing. At times, his imagined world gave him enough hope to consider not ending things. There is a link between maladaptive daydreaming and suicide, and I feel that’s what happened here.
Ultimately this a very sad story about society and how some people feel they can’t fit in. The gossiping of the colleagues between the narration shows how unkind and uncaring people can be. He was judged even after death. They seemed more concerned for themselves than the “odd man” that felt he had no other option but to end things.
